I didn’t have a fancy gadget like this for potty training. But, I’m sure this would do the trick for any child old enough to pull the cord!
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photo credit: flickr
If you don’t believe in your authority who will? Children are quick to pick up on fear, inconsistency and uncertainty. It’s like they can smell it.
I’ll let you in on a little secret. They can’t.
So my advice is “fake it until you make it.” Be firm. Be loving, but be firm. Don’t let their cute, sad little faces cause you to bend the rules. Don’t allow whining and tantrums to weaken your resolve.
You are the parent. That’s right – You. You make the rules and it’s up to you to be sure that they are adhered to.
I bet some people don’t even realize that they don’t believe in their own authority. They just think that people don’t take them seriously, or don’t listen to them. Or worse, that they have bad children. shudder
The fact is that we teach people how to treat us. If we allow our children to disrespect our rules, then we have allowed them to dilute our authority. We have taught them that we are not serious about laying down rules. We have shown them that we don’t believe in our own authority.
I imagine that all of this came to be during the time that we were in school. Something changed in society. Children were given more freedom and adults less. So, in the end we have parents acting like children and children who are out of control (literally: No one is controlling them.)
I urge you, as the next generation of adults and parents, to take your role in teaching discipline very seriously. Teach it by example as self-discipline. Teach it by direction as rules and consequences. If you don’t…who will?
If you enjoyed this article, you might also like Love and Rules. or Counting or The Time Out Space
The Read Aloud Handbook
There’s nothing like snuggling up together to enjoy a good book. The trouble is that sometimes it’s hard to choose a good book to snuggle up with!
My go-to source for selecting new family read-alouds is Jim Trelease’s The Read Aloud Handbook. This book is chock full of reading suggestions for all ages and interests. We’ve discovered many gems within its pages, some of which we’ve read multiple times.
Books to be shared out loud need to have a certain literary value to be enjoyable. Sure, you can read The Diary of a Wimpy Kid out loud. But, it’s much more fun to read We’re Going on a Bear Hunt by Michael Rosen or The Trumpet of the Swan by E.B.White or the Mouse and the Motorcycle by Beverly Cleary.
Pick up a copy of this book and you’re sure to find many, many hours of family reading pleasure ahead of you.
Have you heard parents counting while they wait for their child to comply with their instructions?
I don’t believe it in. I believe in children doing what they are told to do. Children should do what you said because you said it, not because you started counting to 3. It’s like a threat. (And sometimes a hollow one, don’t get me started on that one. That’s another post!)
“Give Mommy your toy.” Mother is gather playthings so they can leave to go home. Child continues to play with the toy.
“Mommy said, give me your toy.” Child continues playing and ignores her.
“Give me your toy…..(big pause)…. Mommy’s going to count…..(pause)…One (big pause) …..twooo (longer pause)….” Child plays with toy and either does or doesn’t hand over the toy. Regardless of whether or not the toy is handed over this whole interaction was a waste of time and it only teaches kids that you only mean what you said if you count.
Honestly, I’m always a little embarrassed for the Mom using this “technique.” To me, she is demonstrating that she hasn’t taught her children to respect her words only her threats of punishment.
Here’s how I got results with young children.
Believe in your own authority. If you don’t, you can be certain no one else will – not even a two year old.
If you enjoyed this post you might also enjoy Believe in Your Own Authority or I’m Sorry I Can’t Understand what you’re saying ( a post about whining.)
Both parents are partners in parenting. I know thisblogisforwomen…so men probably won’t be reading it. But, I do believe that we teach people how to treat us. And, if we want to have an equal partner we have to be an equal partner. This means that we have to carry our half of the load. And we have to expect the other partner to carry their half.
flickr.com/photos/17258892@N05
By being partners we gain so much. The children are a project that we work on together. We should make decisions together about our objectives. Do we want them to be followers? Do we want them to be leaders? The world needs both kinds of people. Do we want them to follow their heads or their hearts? Do we want them to be obedient or defiant? Do we want them to be respectful? Do we want them to be kind? Do we want them to be helpful? To we want to shelter them or let them fend for themselves? What kind of friends do we want our kids to keep company with? It’s important to discuss values with your partner in parenting.
We also share more than parenting roles. We demonstrate adult behaviours and interactions to our children. Do we want them to grow up to find a mate that they fight with routinely? Do we want them to have their own interests and hobbies when they are adults? Do we want them to see that each parent is a complete individual with unique gifts and talents or that there is no I in team? By demonstrating cooperation, compromise, independence, support, vulnerability, love and responsibility in the home we are modelling these things to our future adult children.
Showing your children that you are part of a successful adult partnership is the way to teach them to find one for themselves one day. Regardless of your situation. I don’t live with my children’s father. We were married for 17 years but for the last 3 we’ve been separated. We are still able to demonstrate to the children that we work together for the greater good that is our family.
If you enjoyed this post you might also enjoy Believe in your own Authority and I’m Sorry I Can’t Understand What You’re Saying
