This Blog Is For Women

Did you know that positive people get more enjoyment out of life.  They find the positive in just about everything.  And, it’s really just this simple:

Oh yeah I almost forgot:

I like my room!

I like my feet!

I love my mirror!

My hair is great!

My clothes are great!

I love my family!

I love my kids!

I love my friends!

All my readers are great!

I can do anything good today!  oh yeah!

(Looking in the mirror and doing a wiggle dance while you say this is also beneficial, smiling and dancing improve positivity.  Depending on how big you are, I don’t necessarily recommend standing on the vanity.)

PS, Does anyone know what a “sark” is?  At the start of the video she says “Look I can be a sark…”

If you enjoyed this post you might also like to read:

• Attitude is Everything
• Life’s What You Make It

If you Love Life, Life will Love you Back.

Think back to when you were graduating from high school.  Did you ever in a million years think that you would become the person that you are today?

Life has a funny way of throwing people and events at you that will cause you to go in a direction that you didn’t foresee.  Some of them make life easier and some of them make life more challenging.  But regardless, they have brought you exactly where you are.

I’ve come to realize that there is only one thing that can shape the course of your life path.  You can’t buy it.  No one can help you with it.  You can’t find it online or in a store.  You’ve got to look for it inside yourself.

‘What is it’ you ask?  The answer will be so simple that might be disappointed.

It’s your attitude, your outlook.  That’s the frame for everything in your life.  Good and bad, happy and sad.

What is your overall attitude?  Are you mostly cynical?  Mostly cheerful?   Mostly unhappy?  Mostly contented?  Mostly worried?  Do you embrace change?  Are you confident? Are you a martyr?

I’m primarily an optimist.  I wasn’t always one.  But over the course of time I came to realize that I could choose to be optimistic.  Optimists were a group that drew me to them.    I decided that I wanted to be one of those.  That’s right, it’s a choice.

Over a decade ago, I had a life-changing event that gave me pause to consider the type of person that I was.  I had a falling out with a long-time friend.  We didn’t have a specific fight, the problem was that  she was poisoning my life outlook and making me feel  and act cynical and judgemental.  It wasn’t easy to break up with her.  We had been best friends in high school, and we were each other’s maids of honor.  Not an easy break up.  But I could no longer allow her to be a toxic influence in my life.  I was turning into a cynical, judgemental person.  I had to choose not to have her in my life any more.

Have you ever met someone who can never be satisfied?  If you ask them how their trip was they’ll tell you all the negative things that happened.  If you ask them how they are doing they’ll tell you that they’re cold or just getting over an illness.  If you ask them if they’re looking forward to the holidays they’ll complain to you about the work that it will take to pull it off and how no one will appreciate it anyway.

No matter how lovely the topic, this Cynic will tell you the down side of the story.  This is a reflection of their attitude.  I’m certain that all of those topics have a good side, but they have chosen to focus on the negative, and so they have perceived only the negative aspects of those events.

Have you ever met someone who is always optimistic? Someone who just rolls with the punches and move through life with a smile.

If you visit this Optimist at the hospital after a major surgery they’ll tell you which nurse is their favorite (you’ll probably notice lots of smiling nurses hovering around their bed.)  If they lose their job, they hit the streets with perseverance certain that there’s a better one out there.  When they lose someone close to them and have worked through their mourning period they are quick to recount happy stories of times shared, and think about the lost one with fondness rather than grief.

Many of us find ourselves in the middle.

I would describe myself as a realistic, logical, optimistic, loving, helpful person. Sometimes I’m a little bit soft, and criticism can be painful for me.  But I do make a point to embrace each day and task with a positive outlook and attitude.  Even distasteful jobs become less distasteful when you decide to be positive about getting them completed.

Make a point of noticing your attitude.  Next time you’re mopping the floor, whistle a happy tune and enjoy how clean it has become.  This is advice I offer to my kids on a routine basis.  It’s all in your attitude.  If yours needs adjustment, it’s up to you to do it.

How often each day do you make eye contact with your loved ones?

Take notice and you may be surprised that it’s less than you think.

When you’re busy preparing a meal and your child is telling you a story, take a moment to stop cutting the onions and look them in the eye and smile while they talk to you.

That moment of eye contact is a connection.  They know you are listening.  Your minds have connected.  They matter.  Your children are especially deserving of your eye contact.  Don’t be stingy with it.

In the 21st century, where some days screens are in front of our faces more often than human beings, it’s important to validate the experiences we share.  All it takes is just a little eye contact.

One thing that I have impressed upon my kids since they were quite little, and also upon my students, is the importance of eye contact when thanking someone.  If you do not make eye contact when saying thank you, it dilutes the value of the compliment.  If you look someone in the eye when you thank them, they know that you mean it.

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photo credit: flickr

If you don’t believe in your authority who will?  Children are quick to pick up on fear, inconsistency and uncertainty.  It’s like they can smell it.

I’ll let you in on a little secret.  They can’t.

So my advice is “fake it until you make it.”  Be firm.  Be loving, but be firm.  Don’t let their cute, sad little faces cause you to bend the rules.  Don’t allow whining and tantrums to weaken your resolve.

You are the parent.  That’s right – You.  You make the rules and it’s up to you to be sure that they are adhered to.

I bet some people don’t even realize that they don’t believe in their own authority.  They just think that people don’t take them seriously, or don’t listen to them.  Or worse, that they have bad children.  shudder

The fact is that we teach people how to treat us.  If we allow our children to disrespect our rules, then we have allowed them to dilute our authority.  We have taught them that we are not serious about laying down rules.  We have shown them that we don’t believe in our own authority.

I imagine that all of this came to be during the time that we were in school.    Something changed in society.  Children were given more freedom and adults less. So, in the end we have parents acting like children and children who are out of control (literally:  No one is controlling them.)

I urge you, as the next generation of adults and parents, to take your role in teaching discipline very seriously.  Teach it by example as self-discipline.  Teach it by direction as rules and consequences.  If you don’t…who will?

If you enjoyed this article, you might also like Love and Rules.  or Counting or The Time Out Space

My last post, the one about cranky people, reminds me of the tactic I use to get cooperation for unpleasant tasks.  If my child is uncooperative when it’s time to practice the violin, or do some schoolwork or a chore – I banish them from participation.

You are banished!

I don’t actually say that.  But it’s what I’m thinking.

flickr.com/photos/jimmiehomeschoolmom

What I do is point out that we need their cooperation to complete the task at hand.  If they fail to be cooperative I send them to their time-out space.  In my house it’s the landing half-way up the stairs.

“Please try to have a good attitude about doing this math we’ll get it done a lot more quickly if you don’t complain about it.”

“But it’s so hard!  I hate math.  I can’t do it.”

“You’re right.  With that attitude you can’t do it.  I believe that you can do this math, and I can help you figure it out, but not with a negative attitude.  So, go sit on the landing and come back when you’re ready to do your math.  Remember I’ll help you if you’ve got a positive attitude.”

If they’re gone a long time I go check on them.  Maybe they’re upset and need to talk about it.  Perhaps they can’t find their way to be positive about the task at hand, and they’re just plain cranky.  In this case I have them go to bed for a while (see the cranky post.)

There are times when it is futile to try to complete the task.  There really isn’t much point in trying to learn while in a negative state of mind.  It only teaches you to resent the subject. In this case I give them an option.  Not a fun option but an option.  “OK, well why don’t you go clean your room and we’ll look at the math later.”  A snack can sometimes be in order in this case as well.  Uncooperative feelings can also come from being hungry or on the verge of hunger.  An apple or some raisins might be just what they need to perk up and have the energy to participate properly.