This Blog Is For Women

When should children start formal schooling?

As late as possible, according to Canadian psychologist Dr. Gordon Neufeld. A recent article published by the IMFC (Institute of Marriage and Family, Canada)  Dr. Neufeld explains how attachments to peers can cause a plethora of problems which may not be recognized until later in life when the affects of the peer attachment develops.

Neufeld  suggests that sending young children to daycare because it will help them overcome shyness, or get along with others, or in fact because the child “loves to go and spend time with her peers,” is the wrong thing to do. Read the rest of this entry →

Kids know when something feels bad.  And, sometimes it’s easier to say their parent “won’t let” them than it is to admit to their peers that they don’t feel comfortable in a situation.  When peer pressure reaches that point where the group rule is the bottom line, kids need an out.

If you let your kids know that they can use you as an out for uncomfortable situations you have given them the opportunity to avoid dangerous or unethical situations.

If your child is too old for the whole “I’m not allowed” scenario– Let’s face it peers will be scathing when they perceive that adults are in control of what otherwise would be a peer-driven situation — then you can set up a texting code. (You might this this is goofy, but if you recall peer pressure can feel awfully threating.)

Jenna texts you and says:

Jenna: Hey Mom, I’m out with the gang.  be home by 11″  (which is within curfew.)

The code word is “gang.”  This prompts mom to text back that Jenna must come home immediately.

Mom: Sorry Jen, we need you to come home ASAP. We’ll pick you up in 5 minutes. Where are u?

If anyone asks to see her phone, Jenna hasn’t done anything wrong….no one can say she’s a sissy, or a cry baby, or that her Moommmy won’t let her do anything  There’s nothing in the messages that implicates Jenna or her Mom.  And the reason to come home is not any specific one, so there’s no ruse or lie.

You can set up your own code word, but it works best to find one that will blend into any text. It could be as simple as using the word “not” as a clue that the answer should be “no.”

Jeff:  Can I stay overnight at Pete’s or not?

Mom:  Sorry not tonight.

If Jeff wanted Mom’s true answer,  because he actually wanted to stay at Pete’s he would text:  ”Can I stay overnight at Pete’s tonight?”  This way Mom can just answer yes or no, depending on circumstances.

You would be surprised how much help kids can be.  Here are some of the chores my 2 boys help with. They are currently 8 and 12.

Either boy can do these:

• vacuuming
• dusting
• mirror/window washing (high traffic areas like entryways and kitchen)
• sweeping
• mopping
• emptying dishwasher
• sorting laundry

Team jobs:

• transferring garbage from small bins to bags
• bathroom cleanup and details (the younger one does picking up. mirrors and floors, the older one does the toilet, tub and sink.)
• running laundry – they sort together, tag team the transfers, and work together to hang and fold.  (I do my own laundry, so there’s no worry of damage to a special item.)
• putting out/pulling in the trash cans or compost bins. (One child can do it alone, but they manage better together for some reason.)

So you’ve decided to take my advice and pay your children.  (See my last post Kids and Money.)  Now what?

First you need to decide how much.

How much depends on a few factors.  Age, your means, and the child’s spending wants/needs.  When my son was 3, he’s 12 now, I started by paying him $3 a week.  When he was 6 it went up to $6 a week.  at 9 it was $9 a week.  And that’s where it stopped.  I could put it up to $12 now that he’s 12, but we haven’t negotiated that.    So, there’s a guideline if you like.

I chose amounts that were mulitples of 3 as the weekly pay amount.  And that was done on purpose.  I also pay the children in small bills or change so they can divide their pay.

The next thing you need to do is set up rules.

Yes, you heard correctly.  As the parents it’s up to you to set the spending rules for your children.

In our house everyone has 3 piggy banks.

1. pocket money or spending money
2. saving up money
3. live savings.

When the children are paid, one third of their pay goes in each bank.  The pocket money can go straight in their wallet/purse if they have one.

Any time we go shopping, they can use their pocket money for impulse purchases like gum or candy.  There are weeks that they don’t spend all of their pocket money.  This money can then be reallocated to the saving up or life savings banks. (My kids choose to put it in their saving up money 9 times out of 10.)

The saving up money is not for impulse purchases.  This money is to be used to save up for something.  My kids have saved up for things like a new game, iTunes money, or a toy.  Sometimes they have a joint savings goal and they have bought Wii console, a Trampoline, a Playstation and accessories.

Life Savings is exactly what it sounds like.  It’s money that they have put away for major life purchases, like university, to start a business, to buy a car, or a home.  This money is never spent.  2 years ago my oldest son had amassed $1000 in life savings.  He used it to purchase an interest bearing  investment certificate that pays 5% a year for 5 years.  (A great rate, for sure!)  And he continues to fill the life savings bank.

The purpose of the 3 banks, I’m sure you can see, is to teach children that there are many different types of money needs.  And some of them take time to save for.

This is why I chose the pay rates I did for the children:  multiples of 3 work for the lesson.

Other posts you might like:   How Much Help?,  Kids and Money, Help Around the House

Learning about money can start at a young age.

Young children can easily grasp the concept that money is needed to make purchases. (It’s amazing how many adults have forgotten this concept, with the advent of the credit card.)

In order for children to learn this lesson, it is important for them to have money.  At first, they’re going to need you to give it to them.

It’s a good idea to start paying your children as soon as they are old enough to ask for toys when you are out shopping.  This will serve 2 purposes:

1. It will teach them to budget.
2. It will teach them the value of saving, and not spending on impulse.
3. (O.K. I lied, it will serve 3 purposes not 2.) It will save you money in the end.

“Wait!” you ask.  How can paying your child save you money?  Simple.  You will no longer be responsible for purchasing gum from machines, ice cream at the corner store, or toys that are begged for while shopping at a department store.

You will simply allow your child to use their money to buy the things they want and can afford.  When they say they want something, you just have to say ” Did you bring your money?”

Suggested posts:  3 piggy banks, How Much Help?